We All Belong

 

Every day that I travel to and from church, I pass a flag flown by one of the neighbors of the church. The flag says: Trump 2020 Make Liberals Cry Again. The other day, my husband pointed out that particular flag and expressed his dismay over how anyone could have pride in that. My husband’s words have been lingering in the back on my mind. And today they emerge as a blog.

Trump 2020: Make Liberals Cry Again. Are liberals not Americans, too? This promotion of Americans are on two different teams at war with each other is tearing our country apart and allowing sin to rule our nation.

It is one thing to call out bad behavior or bad policy, but to personally attack people in the hopes they cry is un-American. If you don’t like the specifics in the Green New Deal, by all means criticize it, but do not attack Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez for being dumb, uneducated and a little girl. If you do not agree with how Gretchen Whitmer is handling the pandemic in her state, then criticize the safety protocols. But do not engage in chants to “lock her up.” These personal attacks are not how people of integrity conduct themselves.

Now, we cannot expect all people everywhere to behave in certain ways on either side of aisle. But we can expect the people we elect to serve the people, to be people of integrity, people who serve all Americans, not just the ones who aren’t liberal.

I understand the desire to elect someone who is not a politician and to crave a new way of running the government. I agree that there should be a lot of changes to how our elected people serve their constituents. In my opinion, there should be term limits, there shouldn’t be a two party system, there shouldn’t be a monetary requirement to get a name on the ballot, elected officials should not need to spend the majority of their time soliciting donations to stay in office, and there should be no room for companies to use money to get their agenda pushed forward. But Make America Great Again or Keep America Great, isn’t changing anything, it isn’t moving forward. It is actually looking backward. It is saying that the corrupt ways of the running the government in the past is how it should be. And what has been revealed by Make America Great Again is that corruption is dominating.

If you boarded the trump Train because you wanted to feel like you belong to something great or to feel connected with others to fight against a common enemy, may I remind you of Romans 15:5-7. “May God, the source of all strength and encouragement, enable you to live in perfect harmony with one another according to the Spirit of Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and one voice, you may praise the God of our Savior Jesus Christ. Accept one another as Christ accepted us, for the glory of God.” (Priests for Equality. The Inclusive Bible. Sheed & Ward. Kindle Edition.)

You belong in Christ Jesus. You belong to God who gives you breath. You belong. We all belong. All of us.  And we should all be fighting against the evil in this world. Not one another.

Elephant, Donkey or Jesus?

This past month there have been many different ways that people have been reaching out to me, to support me as a pastor leading a congregation in uncertain times. I’ve gotten video messages, a book on prayer and meditation, cards, invitation for Zoom conversations and more.  I will be honest and say I am stretched, I am tired, I’m sad and lonely. But I’m also renewed, hopeful and engaged in the new work that opens up my imagination and creativity. Beyond the tremendous sadness and grief of lives lost and the constant back and forth of how to handle the pandemic, I believe for the church, we now have more possibilities than we ever had before. And I see the blessing in this time. For me, however, the difficulty of this exile is preaching the gospel in a country that is viciously politically divided. 

 

Whether we like to admit it or not, the Bible and the church are political. The Bible is a collection of stories, many of which teach people how to live in a society as one people. The gospels tell us stories of Jesus who came to help the people being oppressed by the Roman Empire; stories of Jesus teach us to be disciples in a world of injustice. The church is a collection of people who follow a church constitution and bylaws, who are run by a church council, where every member gets a vote and majority rules. Though we would like to not be thought of as political, we very much are. The one thing the church should not be is partisan, because we follow the law of God.

The difficulty of following the Gospel and God’s commands is there is a power over the American people called patriotism; this idea that we must pledge our allegiance to a flag and our country. We vote people into office based on a two party system. Though I realize there are alternatives to the two systems, those options are rarely voted in. We have become a two party system in which people declare themselves as part of one or the other, and stick with those party lines across the board. It makes the voting system simpler, one does not have to necessarily research particular candidates and what their morals are, how they would take care of the people, and what priorities they have as elected servants. You can pick red or blue and make assumptions on where they stand on particular issues in a cut and dry approach. You do not need to understand their “grey” areas, their morals or beliefs. When elected servants cast their votes, they don’t need to grapple with their convictions or morals or what they feel they can live with, they vote the party line to keep this two party system a sacred process. 

 

And what patriotism and party affiliation has done is squeezed out Jesus. Following the first commandment to love God has been replaced with the first amendment. The work of Jesus is now seen through a democratic or republican lens. Issues that should be loving your neighbor issues, are no longer, they are either a democratic or republican issue. We are no longer looked upon as Christian disciples; we are either democrats or republicans. The word Christian and patriot are so closely linked, that being a follower of Jesus no longer exists. What easily glides off peoples lips are partisan talking points, or counter arguments instead of Scripture and the words of Jesus. These labeled words of "Conservative Christians" or the "Christian Left" have taken on this whole partisan terminology and embraces this idea that everything, even Jesus has a side. 

 

Jesus is on the side of justice, Jesus is on the side of the oppressed, and Jesus should be in front of you, if you are claiming to be a Christian. If you can’t find words from Jesus that support your stance, you aren’t following Jesus. And I’m not saying you have to, I’m saying if you want to follow Jesus, you cannot be consumed with patriotism and party affiliation. If you want to follow Jesus, the commandment to love God must always come first. It must come first in your heart, in your family, in your career, in your finances and giving, in your community, in the voting booth. 

 

Until this country moves away from the two party system that people buy into before anything else, preaching the Gospel will forever be the most difficult part of being a pastor. If there is no place, not even church, where we are able to recognize that we are bringing our partisan loyalties to the communion table, and set them down at the feet of Jesus, I don’t know where that would ever happen. 

Jesus was a humble servant. He believed everyone who came to him asking for help. He especially recognized the women and children because they were being treated as property in Roman Society. He reached out to the hungry, the naked, the imprisoned, the sick, the stranger. He taught us to love our neighbors with compassion and understanding. If you are standing for those things, because they all translate to things happening in our world today, then you are following Jesus. If you make exceptions, if you judge others and therefore deny them support, if you base your compassion for people on laws, if you see someone hurting and you fail to be Jesus in the flesh to them, you are not following Jesus.

 

Jesus was executed by the Roman government by request for not following religious laws. According to the Gospel of Luke, he was crucified with two robbers beside him, in which he asks God for forgiveness for them before death because they “do not know that they are doing.” He did all of this while hanging from a cross as people jeered at him and celebrated his Crucifixion. If you claim to follow Jesus, I hope you’d choose to be one of the people who celebrated Jesus’ resurrection, not one of those who celebrated his death.

 

I hope you want to resurrect too, and leave behind your label of Republican or Democrat.       

Where's the Heart?

Are you outraged about the looting in Minnesota but not the murder of a black man? 

I am an ordained pastor in the United Church of Christ for three years. I am a person who comes from a diverse area in Illinois and now lives in a predominately white suburb in Wisconsin. I am a child of a stay-at-home mom and dad who retired from Chrysler. I grew up with none of the extras, but never went without the necessities.  As a young married couple, my spouse and I had some moments where we could not afford health insurance and struggled financially. And I now sit behind this computer as a forty-year-old privileged white woman with two teenage sons.

In my early twenties, not too long after graduating with a bachelor’s degree in English from Aurora University, I sat on my first jury for a case that involved a dispute between two young black men where one was shot. The prosecutors on the case miserably failed in proving guilt. The jury all agreed that we really had no idea what happened the day of the shooting. However, the jury I was on wanted to convict the young black man because he had run from the cops. They said running from the cops must have meant that he was guilty.

I remember recalling my criminal justice class that I had taken as a required course. In that class I remember learning that African American families do not teach their children to trust the cops. I was one of the youngest people in the room and I shared that for a black man, running from the cops is not a proof of any guilt. One other person brought up that the proof must be beyond a reasonable doubt, and he did not think that there was enough proof. I was so thankful for this other person that spoke up because I honestly cannot say that I would have held my ground if I was the only one. I want to believe I could have taken on the group by myself if I had to, but I honestly fear I may have kept silent.  It took us into the late evening, but finally the two of us got everyone to say not guilty.

I think of that moment every time I know that I am required to speak up against racism in America and that speaking up will have consequences. It is not enough for me to talk about privilege, racism and the disparities in the criminal justice system with my sons reminding them they have to use their privilege if they find themselves in a police situation with their friends of color. I must do more because my ordination vows require it.       

Today I caught the end of a town hall hosted by the Boys and Girls Club of Dane County CEO Michael Johnson and Madison365 CEO Henry Sanders discuss the police killing of George Floyd in Minneapolis with local police officials and community leaders. They invited a black mother, Jacquelyn Hunt to speak. As I listened to her, I began to cry, and I knew my tears meant that I cannot listen without then acting of some kind.

Jacquelyn Hunt asked, “In the moment, at that moment, where is the heart that heard that man say, ‘I can’t breathe.’” Where are our hearts, White America? We have a deep deficit with compassion for others. I see you not once showing your outrage over George Floyd, but speaking up about your anger over the protests, rioting and looting. I see you using quotes about peaceful protests from Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and condemning the acts that happened after peaceful, unarmed protesters were met with smoke bombs, tear gas and flash grenades. I see you jumping to speak about right and wrong done to property, but not the wrong done to a black man’s life.

As a white mother and pastor, it is my job to call out your lack of compassion and racism. And as a white mother it is also not my job to take the spotlight. I lift up the words of other black mother’s because I do not know their pain. I lift up the words of Jacquelyn Hunt and ask you where your heart is? I lift up the words of the Reverend Traci Blackmon, “In times like these. My mind always returns to this African proverb: The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down just to feel its warmth.”

I am deeply disturbed and heart broken by our lack of compassion for human life. As people we intensely struggle with grace and compassion for ourselves and more so for others. But we are called by scripture to give the grace that we receive from God. Ephesians 4 verses 29-32: “Be on your guard against foul talk. Say only what will build others up at that moment. Say only what will give grace to your listeners. Don’t grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, all rage and anger, all harsh words, slander and malice of every kind. In place of these, be kind to one another, compassionate and mutually forgiving, just as God has forgiven you in Christ.”

White America it is now your job to check your racism and have hearts of compassion for all the pain that this injustice has caused to black America. Pain that you know absolutely nothing about.

"Authentic Christianity"

We must be careful of those that claim to have a monopoly on God, the Bible and Christianity.  

I have a very small platform compared to Franklin Graham, but as a follower of Jesus, and an ordained minister, I cannot remain silent. I must add my voice in support of Rev. Dr. William Barber and his response to Franklin Graham's call for Mayor Buttigieg to repent for being gay. For far too long there has been this platform for people declaring Christianity as their faith to make claims about the Bible and the Christian faith. These sins that Franklin Graham and others like to talk about are often abortion, homosexuality, extramarital affairs and women having power. The loud platforms of these claims have caused a misunderstanding of the Christian faith to be a faith that is hypocritical, homophobic, sexist, and controlling.

There are some denominations that declare Christianity as their faith, that claim the Bible says homosexuality is a sin and that marriage is between one man and one woman when it clearly does not. These beliefs are in fact biblical interpretations that theologians of the past have written to explain the meaning of some biblical passages. These theological interpretations that are then adopted by a church or denomination are often called a doctrine.

In opposition to these claims of “Authentic Christianity” there are other Christian denominations that do not agree with Franklin Graham. My denomination, the United Church of Christ, believes that we take the Bible seriously, not literally. In order to be able to fully understand the Bible one must know Greek and Hebrew, read it from the original scrolls and study the history of which the Bible was written. Therefore, we use the Bible as a resource that points to the direction of God, but we do not need to apply every part of the Bible literally to our lives today.

As a Christian denomination, we do, however, rely heavily on the life of Jesus as a model to how we must live in community with others. Therefore, I understand that sin is anything unloving; anything that does not meet the requirement of loving your neighbor. And we all sin because loving your neighbor is by far much harder than it sounds.

So, in opposition of Franklin Graham, as long as Mayor Buttigieg and his husband are loving their neighbors, there is nothing they need to repent of.  And I suggest that Franklin Graham should focus less on what he claims to be the sins of others and instead follow Jesus: care for the poor, the hungry, the widows, the children, the strangers, the immigrants, people of color, people with disabilities and people of other faiths. Jesus asked us to do one thing and that was to love our neighbors.

I cannot let Franklin Graham’s voice be THE voice of Christianity. My Christian voice is in support of loving one another, taking care of all our neighbors, doing justice, and walking humbly with God.

My Silence is My Exhaustion

 I am sixth months into my first called position as a pastor. This past week, I led an Ash Wednesday service, presided at a funeral and of coarse led a Sunday worship service. On Ash Wednesday, the day I reminded my flock that one day, they will die too, seventeen people were murdered at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Florida. Now as a pastor, I’m sure there is some expectation that I hop on social media and start preaching in some way; I certainly had that expectation of myself. So, in the middle of preparing for a funeral, I am reading tons of posts, memes, articles, videos, etc. that I could just share instead of having to take the time to write something of my own. Now there were a lot of really good material out there and some of it I “liked.” I did not, however, find anything that I could post that would actually represent my thoughts. And so, I posted nothing and instead tended to my people.

What I’ve learned about social media is that no matter what you say, it does not often change anyone’s mind and it is rarely a platform for any good conversation. The people that agree with you may like and share, or offer a positive comment, and those that don’t agree with you, well, the range of reactions can vary.

The very difficult task of being a pastor is finding that key balance of being both prophetic and pastoral. Because being merely prophetic just draws a line between those who agree with you and those who don’t, and being merely pastoral doesn’t really create an environment for any change of hearts and minds. In order to make an impact there has to be some basis of trust, which isn’t instantly built between pastor and congregants.  

So, as I prepared for Sunday, with my people in mind I did the best I could to maintain the trust I’ve built so far and attempted to be both prophetic and pastoral. I asked teachers and students to light seventeen candles during our welcome music.

A congregant offered to have hearts for us to write messages to the high school and she would mail them. And I prepared a sermon that used the lectionary text, lent and gun control as the message to my people. Was it the best sermon I’ve ever preached? Definitely not, but it was an honest one during my very exhausting week.

Perhaps you are wondering why I bothered to blog since this mostly says why I have not been posting on social media. This is simply for the people who want to hear from me.

Lent is a time to let go of those behaviors that hold us back from honoring God. Jesus has returned from the wilderness and calls us to change our hearts and minds. Change needs to happen. Return to God and believe in the good news with changed hearts and minds.

For from God’s beloved dust you came and to God’s beloved dust you shall return.   

Keep Me Humble

On Sunday, I stood before clergy, my family, my friends, my congregations and the people of my flock and made promises. I promised to hear and accept the word of God, I promised to be diligent in my private prayers and reading of scripture, I promised to be zealous in speaking the truth in love, I promised to be faithful in preaching, teaching and administering sacraments, and in exercising pastoral care and leadership, I promised to keep silent all confidences, and I promised to regard all people with equal love. I made all of these promises relying on God’s grace.

But before I could make these promises, I spent three-and-a-half years proving I was worthy of God’s call upon my life. And prior to those three years I spent a couple of years running away from God and telling myself and others that I wasn’t special enough.

Though I can understand why we must truly be certain this is a true calling from God and not some personal agenda, this process also made me understand why I have encountered pastors struggling with their ego. When you spend the beginning of ministry trying to prove to others that you are prepared to do God’s work, it’s difficult to be humble.

However, this week spent on the other side has been humbling. I thought that my emotions would calm down and my tears would dry up. Instead I am in awe of the work I get to do and who I get to work with. These amazing people who picked me out of eighty-eight possibilities. The people who love and support me before I even officially become their pastor. These beautiful people who are full of excitement and hope chose me to lead them in God’s work. Five years ago, I would never have guessed my journey would bring me to this point. 

God, I beg of you, keep me humble. Amen. 

Gone by a Bullet

Last night my twelve-year-old son crawled in bed with me. For him, that happens, well like, never. The night before, our community yet again was hit by gun violence. This time, my son’s middle school classmate was killed. We knew yesterday morning that a twelve-year-old was killed, but we didn’t know if the boy attended the same school. My husband told our son on the way to school that a boy was shot and killed. The first words my son said to me when he got home from school was, “he was in my science class.”

My son is angry, sad and scared. Angry that his middle school only had a moment of silence; angry over the taking of precious life. He is angry that our community has become so use to violence that this tragedy will just be added to the pile. He is sad for the life not lived and for the parents and family that are in great despair. And he is scared that there is no safe place for him or anyone. 

My son's words were so mature, so full of emotion. I told him it was a good time to express himself in song. He got on the computer to create his music. He made the track and then could not find the words to rap. Maybe he will find the words in the next couple of days.

As a mother and a pastor, this tragedy has brought me to my knees. Last night we prayed, thanking God for the boy’s life and love that he brought to his family. We asked God for peace and strength for the boy’s family, the middle school students and for my son. Today I will finish my sermon for Sunday about prayer. After last night, I’m not sure what to say. Yes, pray, but at this point, pray and get to work. This violence has to stop. Now more than ever, we need to be the hands, feet and voice of Jesus Christ. We must be one people as God intended. In John 17:11, Jesus prayed for us, “Holy Father, protect them in your name that you have given me, so that they may be one, as we are one.”

This boy’s death is not someone else’s problem, not someone else’s tragedy. It is our tragedy, humanity's tragedy. Whether we admit it or not, we are all connected. We are all one. We must be God’s witness in this world. Our witness must be one of community and love. We have a lot of work to do.

Now, let’s pray and get to work.

Beginning the Search

Dear Search Committee,

Welcome to my blog! I hope this page will help you get a sense of who I am and will be a tool for your discernment in your search for pastoral leadership. This blog was originally created as an assignment for my public theology course at Chicago Theological Seminary. Most of the early posts were subjects that were assigned by my professor. I have continued to blog occasionally as time allows. I have kept up with my sermon links so you have all the newest sermons available. If you are viewing from a mobile device, you will have to scroll down and click view web version for access to my sermon links.

Some of my outside interests are singing and playing tennis. I am a trained first soprano, but I haven’t kept up with my voice as I should have. I will occasionally participate in choir, but I mostly just karaoke. I haven’t played tennis in a while either. I have participated in adult leagues in the past and my intentions are to get back into some kind of league or lessons. I love all kinds of tennis: singles, doubles and mixed doubles. I like to watch it on television and hope to get to be in the stands for the US Open someday.

I am a very busy mom and wife in a very sport centered family. My boys play baseball, football and basketball. My husband also coaches all three. If they are not playing sports, we are watching sports on TV.  My husband, however, is the only one who will watch tennis with me.

My blog name, Julie On the Creek was named because I was born into the United Church of Christ congregation, Spring Creek UCC. They have baptized and confirmed me, and they have encouraged and shaped me as I have been on the path towards God’s call. As I move forward in ministry, there will be a piece of them within me as I embrace a new congregation to grow in faith with.

May God lead us and guide us along the way….

Blessings,

Pastor Julie

My Neighbors: Clinton and Trump

It’s six in the morning on a Saturday and I am wide awake writing this blog post. On my one day to sleep in I am awake because I am extremely scared and deeply saddened by the state of my Facebook feed.

If I was an average person, I would simply block the updates of people that were troubling me or I’d just delete them altogether. Being a follower of Jesus however, I just can’t bring myself to do that. There’s this whole love your neighbor thing that gets in the way. And according to Jesus I have to love the ones I don’t really like all that much.

Some people are posting how they can’t wait for this election to be over. I’m extremely scared that my Facebook feed isn’t going to look that much different after the election.

Instead of posting the positive reasons why they are voting for their candidate they are posting stories, articles, memes, you name it about how bad the other candidate is. It has become a dirtball fight and neither side is coming out clean.

But not only has this election been about the candidates running for office but how horrible the current president of the United States is. President Obama is doing the most difficult job in the world, making decisions no average person would ever have to make and yet any average Joe who has a Facebook account feels no remorse for showering him with utter disrespect. Forget the whole if you don’t vote, you can’t complain rule. If you’ve never held public office and don’t plan to, then show some respect. If you want change, it starts with you.

And it gets worse. These same Obama bashing people are the same people who will defend every police officer simply because that person is a police officer. We have a problem when there is more respect for the police force than for the president of the United States. We have a problem when we can support the injustices in our police force but we cannot support our president. We have a problem when we think a presidential election is about stepping on, tearing down and ripping apart the opposing candidate.  

As an almost pastor, I am about to take on the pulpit. In accepting that role, I am bound to speak the words of the Bible and live by the example of Jesus Christ. Jesus would not be happy with my Facebook feed. Will the church I serve be half empty because they don’t want to hear the message of Jesus Christ? Will I be fired because their right to free speech is more important than loving God and loving their neighbor?

I realize that I too am part of the problem because I have kept silent this entire election season out of fear. When Jesus came knocking on my door this morning, I could no longer hide behind my “almost a pastor” status.

So, who is knocking at your door this morning?

The Sacrifice of Seminary

Last spring we found my mom dead on her kitchen floor. The last conversation I had with her she told me that family and friends were asking about me and what she thought of me becoming a pastor. She said she told them that she was so proud of me but wished I had more time with her.

This summer, I am taking a course called Teaching Bible Basics to Congregations. This week we are covering violence. I in particular have trouble with animal and the occasional human sacrifice in the Bible. A sacrifice, in general terms, is something made sacred by offering it to God.

As I have been working on sacrifice this week, I am reminded of the sacrifice of seminary. As an on-line student at Chicago Theological Seminary (CTS), I’ve heard my fair share of criticism for online learning. The most common concern is the lack of community with other seminarians. Recently however, I’ve been disturbed by a recent article by a UCC pastor and author that I admire. I just love how people who have never done online learning or at least not done the online program at CTS think they know all of the things that it lacks.

Children's Sermon on June 12, 2016 in my home church.

Let me first tackle the sense of community. If I sat in a classroom each week with my seminarians, I would most likely listen to lectures by my professors and hear from a handful of my fellow seminarians that get the opportunity to speak in class. As a part of online learning, we still have class online where we can see and talk to each other, but we also post on average five hundred words per reading, our classmates read them and then thoroughly comment on them. We still have group projects to complete and present to our classmates. So yes, we still have community, but we also have another community. We still have the community of our home congregation. And because we are still there in the congregation, and particularly for me, I still have the community who baptized and confirmed me. I still have the community who pushed me into seminary. They are there to witness the struggle, the doubt, the growth and the faith. They are there when I need to preach, when I need to teach or when I need to practice pastoral care for an assignment. They are invested in theological education because they see it happening right in front of them. They didn’t just send me off with prayers.

And let me address sacrifice. Uprooting family life for a small three year “sacrifice” doesn’t go away with online learning. Online learning is a minimum of fifteen hours per week per class. Therefore four classes at a time is sixty hours a week minimum of coursework. So yes, I still had to quit my job, I have had to miss a countless number of my boys’ games and school programs, and I’ve had to say no to spending time with friends or family. Last summer we sacrificed a family vacation for me to work sixty plus hours per week as a hospital chaplain. My family spent a year not worshipping at the same church as I completed my field placement as a student pastor. I am well aware of what being a pastor is going to be like. I know it will often end up being sixty hours or more per week, I know I will be uprooting my family every five or so years, and I know that very few marriages survive the ministry. My boys are already experiencing the kind of expectations of them as “pastor’s kids.” Why should I uproot them for the “training” portion?

What is most painful for me is I have to live with knowing how much my mom missed me while I was in seminary fifteen minutes from her house.

That is my sacrifice.

Secrets, Sex and Church

“Mom, they can’t play this commercial!” “Why, what’s wrong,” I asked. “They can’t say sex on the radio.” “They aren’t,” I replied. “This is for Sexton Orthodontics.” I hesitated. “Do you know what sex is?” “Yes my friend Billy from school said he’s having it.” I started to panic inside. My third grader may know what sex is and he didn’t find out from me. I pull the car into the garage, run inside and yell for my husband. Long story short, yes my eight-year-old has learned what sex is from another eight-year-old from school. I go into panic mode, mostly because I failed as a parent. Why is my son talking to another boy about sex and why is an eight-year-old bragging about his sex life?

I found myself panicking mostly because I didn’t know how to appropriately talk to my sons about sex. I don’t remember much about how I discovered sex. I think it was sex education at school that scared me about pregnancy and STDs. I didn’t get any education elsewhere. In terms of my Biblical and moral understandings I made my own conclusions about the “virgin” Mary and what wearing a white wedding dress meant. Most of my friends and I wanted to wait until marriage but that rarely happened. In college, my husband as part of his football scholarship at an evangelical university signed a “no sex” agreement. We made it to our wedding day, I could wear my white proudly, but in looking back, did it make a difference?  I can’t honestly say.

I turned to my United Church of Christ denomination for help. I ordered some information called Talking With Your Child About Sexuality. I read it and realized that I had missed the boat. Talking with my boys shouldn’t just be a onetime event. I should have been giving them honest information from birth on. Yet I still wasn’t comfortable giving them information. I made an excuse that I would talk to my younger son when he entered third grade.

Now as a seminary student we have spent the last two weeks covering sexuality; all kinds of sexuality. And for the first time in my course studies I felt like a prude. I was reading about sexuality from different perspectives and I felt my face turning red; partly because I have been closed off to some of it before and partly because my youngest son is now halfway through third grade.

Why do I feel compelled to be a part of this big secret called sex? Sex has either been a big secret in churches or grossly misrepresented. Actually, many denominations demonize sex and sexuality outside of heterosexual marriage.  But let’s be honest, that isn’t really working for most Americans. And no one needs another reason to feel ashamed. I think it would be far more helpful to everyone, including this mom, if churches would have open and honest discussion about sexuality.

Obviously, being secretive and demonizing about sexuality has not been beneficial for the church. It has been horrific; sexual abuse, cover-ups and silence. What more has to happen to children and others to get the churches to wake up to what is not working? Let us all go back to scripture and reexamine past interpretations. Adam and Eve did not get married, marriage was not about sex and love but a property contract with several women and Jesus did some very “loving” things with his disciples. Let us look back at art and see how sexuality was portrayed. Some of that art would be labeled as pornography today. Let us examine ourselves and discover what is truthful.

I know I’ve been trapped in this secretive mindset. If I want the church to be more open and honest, it has got to begin with me. I commit to talking to my sons about sexuality, puberty and what is safe. I’ve ordered books and I’ve got a plan. And I pray that I do.  

The Demon of Our Day

This past week I got to spend a few days on the beach. My husband planned a trip for just us two to get away after I spent an exhausting summer working as a chaplain intern at a local hospital. Our anniversary is also coming up and he has work obligations so it was an early anniversary trip too.

After the third night of dining on our trip, I find myself shivering in the air conditioned restaurant that was recommended by our hotel. The restaurant was very popular; the only restaurant that we dined at that had a wait to be seated. I hate to admit this, but for the first time ever while at this restaurant, I became aware of my white privilege in public. I mean, I’ve read about it, I know that I benefit from it, but I usually notice it in hindsight. I first realized that for the third night in a row we had white, male waiters.  I whispered to my husband to ask if he noticed. He said that he did. Then I leaned back and started to observe. In this particular restaurant, I’d say 90% of the wait staff were white males and 10% white females; 100% of the bus boys were black males that I observed. I leaned over and whispered to my husband, “this place is racist.”

Racism is something that many white people do not want to admit still exists and that is evident in the fact that All Lives Matter is trying to replace Black Lives Matter.  Racism doesn’t exist like it once did with public lynchings and separate bathrooms, but it does still exist. Modern day racism is found legally in our justice system. Our jails are full of black men and the death penalty allows for us to legally kill those men.  

Yes, all lives do matter, but when have white lives not mattered? The black men and women in the news that have been killed recently are not the first to be killed by police. Black youth in America have been taught by their parents to run from the police for a reason; because they have been killed since the days of slavery. They have been killed and white people have not noticed.

On Sunday, I sat in a new pew in a new church that I am about to begin my field study at as a seminary student and I was reminded that Jesus’ healing and restoring acts were not for the wealthy and privileged. In the Gospel of Mark 7:24-37, Jesus cast away the unclean spirit and made the deaf to hear and the mute to speak. Reverend Rebecca said that “racism is the demon of our day.”                                                             

Jesus is at work in the Black Lives Matter movement. Jesus is calling me to notice his children. Jesus wants me to acknowledge that I am privileged. Jesus wants me to write and post this blog even though I am scared of the comments I’ll get. Jesus wants me to proclaim that Black Lives Matter to me.

Turn, Turn, Turn

I am okay with death when I know it is coming. I am not okay when it slaps me in the face.

When I was young girl, I used to prepare for my parents' death. But somehow they kept on overcoming the roadblocks of life.

My first real experience with death was with my brother Bradley Jay. He was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. I knew it was serious, but I thought he would beat it, I really did. Deciding to turn off the life support was the last thought on my mind. The hardest thing I ever had to tell my parents. But turning off the life support was still in a way a control over death; one where we could all be present and say our goodbyes.

Saying goodbye to Dad was long and painful. Watching as his body deteriorated from dementia and kidney failure was a heartbreaking experience. I don’t know what is worse; the way Dad went or the way Mom went. Answering the phone to my sister’s blood curdling screams that she can see mom on the floor through the window and screaming for me to come with the keys; praying for mom to be alive and opening the door to find her dead.

All I know is that God is with us. I’m glad the cop that arrived before I did didn’t have the equipment to break in. I’m glad that my keys allowed my sister and I to both go in together. I’m glad my mom didn’t suffer and we didn’t have to watch it. But no one got to say any last words to her and for that reason I am angry.

But as I write this, I am asking myself what I would have said that she didn’t already know. I am special because I had the most sweet, caring and strong mother that ever roamed the earth. I made it through because my mom encouraged me and shared her faith with me. And I told her anytime I talked to her that I loved her. And she told me how proud she was of me so I am not sure what she could have said to me that she hadn’t already.

What is hard for me with both of them now gone is that I no longer have that unconditional love that comes from parents like mine. And I feel incomplete. I know I have people who love me, but no one who has to love me and it is a really scary feeling. Knowing that there will be no going “home” is too much too soon.  

I knew that I would be young when they left me, but I still feel like it is unfair. For some reason God included me into this family, kind of late, but God included me. And even though I am not sure of the reason and I may never know while I am on this earth, I have to trust that my sister’s prayers for a baby sister were granted for a reason.

I have been listening to God thus far and I guess I just need to keep on listening. God, I don’t need an answer right now, but I do need my mom’s strength to finish up this semester. Mom, I miss you and I wish you didn’t have to leave us. I hope you are enjoying heaven, where everything is beautiful to you.

Prophets in America

 It is not a time of celebration. It is a time to reexamine our hearts and our words.

This past weekend marked the 50^th anniversary of Bloody Sunday in Selma, Alabama. As a seminary student I just finished reading James Cone’s The Cross and the Lynching Tree, and as a white Christian I will no longer keep silent.

As an American, I am sickened and saddened. My husband and I both asked each other, what really happened at Selma? We looked it up and we were embarrassed with how much of our public school education left out the horrific details and thus how clueless we really were.

The Cross and the Lynching Tree covers the question: Where did all this hatred go? The hatred is found in our criminal justice system. The hatred is found in the number of African Americans being targeting for crimes and other violations that come with citations that cost them money and keep them in poverty. There are more African American men in prison than enrolled in college. And in the words of Cone, the “legal lynching system” today is found in our death penalty.

In President Obama’s Selma speech he said, “We just need to open our eyes, ears and hearts, to know that this nation’s racial history still casts its long shadow upon us.” As Americans we can no longer be ignorant of the realities of life. White Christians, myself included, cannot claim to be Christians if we ignore the injustices committed to our brothers and sisters in Christ; we cannot keep silent.

As I turn to scripture in the Jewish Study Bible, I look at the prophets of the Old Testament. God tells them that it is their duty to speak truth to power, but they will not listen to you. Jeremiah 15: 19-21, “Assuredly, thus said the Lord: If you turn back, I shall take you back and you shall stand before me; if you produce what is noble out of the worthless, you shall be my spokesman. They shall come back to you, not you to them. Against this people I will make you as a fortified wall of bronze: they will attack you, but they shall not overcome you, For I am with you to deliver and save you—declares the Lord. I will save you from the hands of the wicked and rescue you from the clutches of the violent.” Ezekiel 2: 3-7, “He said to me, ‘O mortal, I am sending you to the people of Israel, that nation of rebels, who have rebelled against Me.—They as well as their fathers have defied me to this very day; for the sons are brazen of face and stubborn of heart. I send you to them and you shall say to them: ‘Thus said the Lord God’—whether they listen or not, for they are a rebellious breed—that they may know that there was a prophet among them. And you, mortal, do not fear them and do not fear their words, though thistles and thorns press against you, and you sit upon scorpions. Do not be afraid of their words and do not be dismayed by them, though they are a rebellious breed; but speak My words to them whether they listen or not, for they are rebellious.”

We have had prophets among us like Martin Luther King Jr. who like Jesus died speaking God’s truth. We have prophets among us right now like James Cone and President Obama. We Americans are just like the Israelites. We are the thistles and thorns pressed against them; against those who put our sins in front of us. We are the Americans that rip apart our very own leader every time he puts God’s truth in front of us; we even accuse him of not being a Christian.

We are also the Americans that claim that we are the home of the free, but we really mean where only the white Americans are free. We too just like the Israelites rebel against God by committing idolatry. Not only did the Israelites worship other gods but they made gods of themselves by ruling over others and oppressing them. Amos 2: 6-8, “Thus said the Lord: For three transgressions in Israel, for four I will not evoke it: Because they have sold for silver those whose cause was just, and the needy for a pair of sandals. [Ah,] you who trample the heads of the poor into the dust of the ground, and make the humble walk a twisted course! Father and son go to the same girl, and thereby profane My holy name. They recline by every altar on garments taken in pledge, and drink in the house of their God wine bought with fines they impose.”

God wants us to do better. Cone believes there can be hope

“beyond tragedy” if America is willing to face our great sin of white supremacy. God calls us too in Isaiah 1: 16-18, “Wash yourselves clean; put your evil doings away from My sight. Cease to do evil; Learn to do good. Devote yourselves to justice; aid the wronged. Uphold the rights of the orphan; defend the cause of the widow. ‘Come, let us reach an understanding,’—says the Lord."

God’s work is done through us. We get to chose whether we allow God to use us or if we will simply be a thorn. God calls us to create God’s kingdom here on earth. God’s wrath in the Old Testament and Jesus’ anger when he overturned the tables in the temple is to save us from our worst selves; an unjust America.

It is not God’s kingdom when we are only concerned for ourselves. We are called to work as one for we are all the body of Christ. “'Truly I tell you, just as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me (Matthew 25:45).'”  

Your heart is either of stone or of God’s spirit. Your eyes are either open or closed. You must be called to action. Your silence is your approval.

Faith, Religion and the Church

Last night after a prayer and conversation about God using both male and female pronouns to refer to God with my seven-year-old son he said, “I think God is both a boy and a girl. One side has a pony tail and the other side has a mullet.” I was so proud of my son I shared it on facebook.

Humor added here!

I was then challenged by my cousin to prove my understanding of God with scripture.

Though I am a seminary student, I do not like to engage in Bible verse competitions. Being in the United Church of Christ however, we often find ourselves having to defend our interpretation of scripture. And lucky for me, I didn’t have to come up with a single verse, others did that for me.

I was raised in the church, but I didn’t have much interest in it. My mom had to make me go. However, that did not mean that I didn’t have a relationship with God. We were actually already quite tight when I was a youth. I only recently realized that my understanding of God as a being of light and energy that encompasses both male and female characteristics has been my understanding as a long as I can remember. To me, it was just the way I knew God to be. The only way I can describe the relationship is that I can feel God always walking along side me and if I need clarification I will literally ask.

So when I discerned my call to ministry, I literally asked “what am I supposed to be doing?” I heard God, but I didn’t like the answer. God had sent another human being to say, “I think God is telling me that you have the gift for ministry.” And I responded with becoming a department lead at Kmart. And as I walked that path I could feel the weight of my invisible back pack get heavier. So when I finally allowed myself to not only hear God, but to follow God, another human was sent again to tell me that I am worthy and capable of representing God, and I finally listened. And the backpack was gone.

The truth is I was actually afraid to go to seminary because I was afraid that this relationship I have with God would be disproved when I read scripture. In the past I would read scripture and say, I don’t understand that, I don’t believe that. I would doubt myself as a Christian when I struggled with the words in the Bible. Then I realized that the only thing between me and scripture were the words selected. I know that when I refer to God as he or she, I don’t actually mean either, but I don’t have any other language to describe God.

When I was finally able to listen to God and to trust that I understood what God was calling me to do, I was able to read scripture with a new understanding. See, I was worried that my relationship with God was wrong and that a right way to interpret scripture exists. The reality is there is no person on earth that completely understands God. Our human minds cannot adequately understand nor do we have the words to adequately describe. When it comes to interpreting scripture there is no right or wrong; winner or loser.

Religions and churches can claim they have the only answer because we in American have an obsession with winning. I’m not concerned about being right. I’m concerned with how we act as Christians with other people. When I sit in my church I know that we don’t all agree on theology. What is amazing about being in a church like that is we can mostly agree and sometimes disagree but still love and accept one another as brothers and sisters in Christ.

So therefore, I will not dispute over words. If you try to find God merely in scripture without forming a relationship with God, you have religion. Scripture is a tool we have to understand that God exists. What really matters is our faith.  If you truly sit with God and listen to what God puts into your heart, you will understand scripture. When you truly give God your time and attention you will understand your faith. If you then understand God to be a man or if you then understand God is both boy and girl with a pony tail and a mullet, who am I to question you? 

The Pastor with Purple Hair

My hair is constantly changing.

My friend Bob shared my last blog post on his facebook page and included in his comment was “I think the world needs more pastors with purple hair.”

I’ll be honest and say that I am concerned about being judged over my hair. Though my fellow congregants remind me of how my hair is what makes me Julie and I agree, I wonder in what ways it could stop me.

Me outside my dorm room.

My relationship with my hair began in college. While most college freshman were partying, going out, drinking and all the other things that goes with that type of fun, I “acted out” and “experimented” with my hair. I would have my friend put pink streaks in my very otherwise boring hair. I thought it looked cool but hair dye from Hot Topic is not my idea of cool hair now.

After college when I had to get a real job the pink hair died. So then I began experimenting with all kinds of regular colors that I paid a professional to do; different styles, different cuts, different highlights, different streaks. I tried it all. I really wasn’t doing much self reflection at the time so I don’t really know why, other than it fit my personality because I get bored doing the same old thing.

Short with streaks.

When I was a stay-at-home mom and seriously doing my Mary Kay business, I started experimenting with the not so natural colors again but with professionals. I know one of the reasons were because I was starting to feel old and going back to my college years where I discovered myself made me feel young again. Another reason was because in Mary Kay we talked about image; how we never knew when a selling opportunity would take place and if you tried to run into the store without your Mary Kay on, you’d always get caught. It was then that I made sure to always be “dressed for success” when I left the house and I still continue to do so.

Brown with one pink stripe.

Now that I am more focused on offering God’s grace than offering someone a makeover, I still prepare as if I was going to makeover someone. I had to really reflect on why that it is so. Becoming a pastor is not about putting on a fashion show or being entertaining. What it does for me is to build my confidence in knowing that I am prepared to makeover one’s heart.

Black with blue stripes.

If I ran out of the house with no makeup and my hair in a pony tail, I would give myself an excuse to avoid others; to avoid getting caught in a conversation.

Blonde with purple and pink.

What I’ve found about my purple, teal, blue and pink hair is that it does two things. It starts conversations with total strangers and it sometimes leads to conversations that mean something to people. The other day, I met a parent at my son’s school who started talking to me about my hair but ended up telling me all about how she adopted her son and all the things he is struggling with.  The most important thing that I think my hair does is that it sends the message to others that I’m not going to judge; that I have an open mind and an open heart.

My fellow congregant,
JoAnne put a little
purple in her hair!

And if I’m right that this all starts because of my hair, this soon to be pastor with purple hair will keep on dying.