Where's the Heart?

Are you outraged about the looting in Minnesota but not the murder of a black man? 

I am an ordained pastor in the United Church of Christ for three years. I am a person who comes from a diverse area in Illinois and now lives in a predominately white suburb in Wisconsin. I am a child of a stay-at-home mom and dad who retired from Chrysler. I grew up with none of the extras, but never went without the necessities.  As a young married couple, my spouse and I had some moments where we could not afford health insurance and struggled financially. And I now sit behind this computer as a forty-year-old privileged white woman with two teenage sons.

In my early twenties, not too long after graduating with a bachelor’s degree in English from Aurora University, I sat on my first jury for a case that involved a dispute between two young black men where one was shot. The prosecutors on the case miserably failed in proving guilt. The jury all agreed that we really had no idea what happened the day of the shooting. However, the jury I was on wanted to convict the young black man because he had run from the cops. They said running from the cops must have meant that he was guilty.

I remember recalling my criminal justice class that I had taken as a required course. In that class I remember learning that African American families do not teach their children to trust the cops. I was one of the youngest people in the room and I shared that for a black man, running from the cops is not a proof of any guilt. One other person brought up that the proof must be beyond a reasonable doubt, and he did not think that there was enough proof. I was so thankful for this other person that spoke up because I honestly cannot say that I would have held my ground if I was the only one. I want to believe I could have taken on the group by myself if I had to, but I honestly fear I may have kept silent.  It took us into the late evening, but finally the two of us got everyone to say not guilty.

I think of that moment every time I know that I am required to speak up against racism in America and that speaking up will have consequences. It is not enough for me to talk about privilege, racism and the disparities in the criminal justice system with my sons reminding them they have to use their privilege if they find themselves in a police situation with their friends of color. I must do more because my ordination vows require it.       

Today I caught the end of a town hall hosted by the Boys and Girls Club of Dane County CEO Michael Johnson and Madison365 CEO Henry Sanders discuss the police killing of George Floyd in Minneapolis with local police officials and community leaders. They invited a black mother, Jacquelyn Hunt to speak. As I listened to her, I began to cry, and I knew my tears meant that I cannot listen without then acting of some kind.

Jacquelyn Hunt asked, “In the moment, at that moment, where is the heart that heard that man say, ‘I can’t breathe.’” Where are our hearts, White America? We have a deep deficit with compassion for others. I see you not once showing your outrage over George Floyd, but speaking up about your anger over the protests, rioting and looting. I see you using quotes about peaceful protests from Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and condemning the acts that happened after peaceful, unarmed protesters were met with smoke bombs, tear gas and flash grenades. I see you jumping to speak about right and wrong done to property, but not the wrong done to a black man’s life.

As a white mother and pastor, it is my job to call out your lack of compassion and racism. And as a white mother it is also not my job to take the spotlight. I lift up the words of other black mother’s because I do not know their pain. I lift up the words of Jacquelyn Hunt and ask you where your heart is? I lift up the words of the Reverend Traci Blackmon, “In times like these. My mind always returns to this African proverb: The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down just to feel its warmth.”

I am deeply disturbed and heart broken by our lack of compassion for human life. As people we intensely struggle with grace and compassion for ourselves and more so for others. But we are called by scripture to give the grace that we receive from God. Ephesians 4 verses 29-32: “Be on your guard against foul talk. Say only what will build others up at that moment. Say only what will give grace to your listeners. Don’t grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, all rage and anger, all harsh words, slander and malice of every kind. In place of these, be kind to one another, compassionate and mutually forgiving, just as God has forgiven you in Christ.”

White America it is now your job to check your racism and have hearts of compassion for all the pain that this injustice has caused to black America. Pain that you know absolutely nothing about.